Twenty Seven Transformations

[badhairlifetime]

Shy Freddy (feat. Uma Thurman)

[Action Post]

Angua busts into a butcher shop, kicking down the door. She's got a very menacing looking bow and arrow locked in place. Like one pull of the trigger could blow everything outward. Next to her stands an orangetoughguy coming in to stand next to her, with an obviously smaller weapon. He's wearing some sort of anchor-patterned scarf. She, however, appears to be giving orders, this seems to be their usual interaction, and soon she's singing instructions, like a boss into a PA system, which just happens to be her network device.

[Voice Post]

"This is a stick-up, so you'd better cut it out,
give us your money, don't even think of trying to shout.
Your meat ain't what we want, so guy in the corner, better drop that box that's in front of your pants,
we don't want that sort of gift, or do you want me to fire, you'll have to learn on the spot how to dance.
Don't give us no meat, we'll only throw it on the ground, so you'd better get ready.
Go on and load up all that money, we'll go and hit up some movie with a wardrobe later, maybe, Ronnie?
Well now it's time for your role, go on and make sure they're all doing their job,
don't let them get away, don't let them form any ol' mob."

[/Voice Post]

She stops singing, looking pointedly at her partner, waiting for him to get up on this.

[/Post]

[OoC: Try and find all of the Lonely Island refs in this post and any future threads therein! Also, I apologize for the song, THIS IS SO NOT MY GENRE. >8]

Comments

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

[ This is not even close to what he expected when checking out the shops here. Actually, this is pretty much one of the last things he expected. Though really, if he had to guess...these two are very new to crime. ]

action;

[orangetoughguy]

[It doesn't matter who this bystander is, he's muttering and mumbling and pointing his little pistol at him...and everyone else in the shop. Kinda weakly. Kinda shyly. Using his device as a microphone.]

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

[ This is probably the least threatened he's ever felt with a gun being pointed at him. ]

What are you doing?

[ He's already part of this, unfortunately... ]

action;

[orangetoughguy]

[Muttrmumble muttummumbl hrmmmrmff mfffmemamfgh mmammffl...pointing again.]

Hah HAH!

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

[ Maybe it's some kind of foreign language... ]

action;

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

[What, no, screw you, they are amazing. Well, she is. Ronnie, on the other hand . . . ]

Ronnie, we've been through this a million times.
Just tell them all to shut up, while we do our thing, our crimes.

action;

[orangetoughguy]

[SHRUG AT CLANGUA. Mutter mutter mumble mumble some more. Waving gesturing kinda nodding at the door.]

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

[ To Angua: ]

Why don't you just tell me what he's trying to say?

action;

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

[Facepalming into forever now, brb.]

Just shut up and get on the ground,
don't make any moves or try to be a hero, strutting around.

action;

[orangetoughguy]

[Frhshhrhf mumblemutter mutter hrshcfrmmm.]

Hah HAH!

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

[ Weighing his options at the moment, and considering the fact that no one here really cares what he does, he figures it's better to do as she says. ]

action;

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah.

Forget about Ronnie, he's totally dead weight.

action;

[resentive.livejournal.com]

...I'll keep that in mind.

[ Dryly. ]

[action]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[He is standing outside the butcher shop just as this goes down.

And he is staring.

Oh how he is staring]

[action]

[orangetoughguy]

[Murmurmrush mrmrmumblemrh rrhhhmrmfm mfmamutter...]

Hah HAH!

[action]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[Is it the glass or is...]

Are you a fucking idiot?

[action]

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

[Meanwhile inside of the shop, this is still, sadly, happening.]

Ronnie, just speak up.

Please don't do this to me again.

[action]

[orangetoughguy]

[Hrschhf mutter mumble hrsch mutter shrug |(]

[action]

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

We've already been through this.

Use your diaphragm.

Project the words that you wanna speak.

[intheblanks.livejournal.com]

[Standing near the counter, Chase casually dips his hand into his pocket, removing it again bare of wedding ring and watch. This appears to be the only concession to terror that he makes.]

The bank's the next block over.

[orangetoughguy]

[He'll take that concession anxiously, muttering, mumbling, like it might bite him, then he points his gun at Chase.]

Hah HAH!

[BANG! Oh wait looks like he almost just shot off his own toe. Crai. It's just a graze at the tip of Freddy's shoe.]

[intheblanks.livejournal.com]

[As long as this guy's the only one who noticed, there's probably need to worry. Though the gun going off gives him a bit of a start—he follows the trajectory down to Freddy's shoe and it's thankful lack of blood puddle. Shame about the footwear though, man.]

Well that's buggered the polish.

[orangetoughguy]

[But the second a certain lady isn't in the shop...he's staring hard at Chase.]

Listen, motherfucker, 'cause I'm back from the grave! Shoot me once, shoot me twice, y'all thought I couldn't be saved! So you think you're hot shit cause you know some Jack Sparrow! Well I'll make you fuckin' wish my girl shot you with her arrow!

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[Pink, who was gonna go into the shop to stop Orange from another foray into utter stupidity, pauses at this and stares for a second.

And then he starts to crack up.]

[intheblanks.livejournal.com]

[It would be funnier on this side if there wasn't a gun being waved at him, no matter how much the shooter's aim sucks. Okay, okay, his hands go up.


But white guys rapping. It's painful.]


Jack Sparrow?

Look, point that somewhere else. I don't even work here.

[orangetoughguy]

[It matters not, Chase. He's using his hands (device in one, gun in the other still) to gesticulate with his verses cause he can totally tell the wombat wants to start something.]

Take a picture, trick, go and run to your aunt! I'm gonna blow your fuckin' mind and make you jizz in your pants! Don't get the name twisted 'cause I’m creepin while you're hidin'! Throw my dick on the ground, it's the size of Poseidon!

[Aggressive. Grr.]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Jizz in you-

[He's bent over, he's laughing so hard]

[intheblanks.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's a... very impressive dick.

[This would be Chase's face of really-not-wanting-to-know. Pink gets a look that slightly despairingly asks is he with you?

Sigh. And his accomplice has already made some kind of getaway with the cash?]

Listen. Why don't you let the girls get out of here, and I reckon someone can help you bag up some steak.

[Srsly, plz. Meanwhile Chase is squinting a little. Because something is familiar.]

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

[It is at this point that Angua has come back from scouting out the rest of the area, and the back of the shop for anything valuable. She found a sack back there, too, evidently, as it is now full. DID SOMEONE SAY IMPRESSIVE DICK???]

Well hows about you and me go back to my place,
we'll have some hella great sex.
I'll get a celebrational cake when it's over,
and then maybe the baker too, which'll be okay,
because with me there, it's not gay.

[intheblanks.livejournal.com]

[Lets just make it clear he wasn't talking about his own. He's confident, but not comparing sizes with a sea god. Yet.

And okay. Well. This is interesting in a different way. Hi, Angua.]

Are you planning on robbing the Candlestick Maker after you take in the bakery?

[Sorry. Now the tricky thing is that if he goes with her he then has to get away from her at some point, and she's the one who looks like she might know what she's doing.]

You might have to call your pal off before we can get out of here.

[badhairlifetime.livejournal.com]

[Shhh, it's okay, she doesn't have to know whose penis you're talking about. She's seen Ronnie's awkwardly huge boner before, unfortunately. You'll ruin the 'moment' if you tell her you were discussing his.]

Cute and witty, that's how I take 'em, emphasis on pretty.

[Arm grab. +1 cursed Angua. She snaps, calling to him like a dog.]

Ronnie; down, boy. Time for you to go fuck off, before you screw up any worse, than you already did.

[orangetoughguy]

[Hrhshhr mumble mutter nope not saying anything here as she takes away the one cute guy in the whole shop. Damn gurl. He's waiting for them to leave first, gun awkwardly down...then when it's him left, just his turn to go...]

And you could slide on it cause you don’t wanna see my left hook! Fucked like a boss, explodin' out but I'm too supercool to look!

[CUT SCENE TO BLACK?!]